'Why don't you dress up for me any more?': We asked three VERY fed-up wives to try to make their slobby husbands sexy again

 

The refrain can be heard in middle-class homes across Britain. 'Why do you always look so slobby? Why don’t you dress up for me any more?'

Yes, most men are letting their wives down when it comes to looking good in their 40s, 50s and beyond. And it can become a big source of tension in some marriages.

Here, three annoyed women give brutal assessments of their scruffy husbands before subjecting them to a makeover. But will their marriages improve as a result?
Fed up: Fiona wants husband Paul to make more of an effort with his appearance

Fed up: Fiona wants husband Paul to make more of an effort with his appearance
'He looks like he's given up caring, and I feel so resentful'

Fiona Grant, 48, has been married to Paul, 51, for 22 years, and they live in Reading. Paul has a computer consultancy firm, while Fiona runs a hypnotherapy business (sunrisehypnotherapy.co.uk) and is a yoga teacher. The couple have four children: James, 21, Sam, 18, Joanna, 16, and Isobel, 12.

Fiona says: I was looking at some old family photos the other day when I realised to my horror that my husband Paul still wears the same revolting Lycra tracksuit bottoms he wore 20 years ago. He could just about get away with them at 30, but at 51 he just looks beaten - as if he's completely given up  caring about how he looks.


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I feel angry and resentful that he doesn’t take more pride in his appearance. This usually leads to my being engulfed by shame over being so horrible to him just because he wears clothes I don’t like. How did it come to this between us?

I fell for Paul when we were at university in Birmingham. Back then, he always wore a black leather jacket and jeans, and had longish hair. I stayed very fashion-conscious, but Paul started to let himself go in his early 40s - and has now developed a permanent frown to complement his boring wardrobe.

Transformed: Paul in his own choice of clothing, left, and a more flattering slim cut grey trousers and shirt
Transformed: Paul in his own choice of clothing, left, and a more flattering slim cut grey trousers and shirt

Transformed: Paul in his own choice of clothing, left, and a more flattering slim cut grey trousers and shirt

He tends to shop at Marks & Spencer and buys the same things over and over again, namely shirts and chinos. Having no colour sense at all, he recently bought some hideous bright-orange brogues (he thought they were brown) and wore them everywhere - to parties, meals out with our friends, even the supermarket. I was so embarrassed, I hid them before throwing them away.

In his spare time, Paul wanders about the garden in his horrible Crocs shoes, 20-year-old shorts, and an ancient shirt. On holiday he’ll wear the same baggy shorts as our teenage son, making his legs look so short and silly, I feel like kicking sand in his face.

But his worst clothing crime is his beloved anorak. He bought it for skiing but insists on wearing it over a dinner jacket when we go out with friends - leaving me wilting with shame at his side.
I’ve really tried over the years to encourage him to dress better. But I hate going shopping with him, as I find his refusal to experiment so annoying.

How Paul dresses has started to cause arguments. I would love him to understand that how he looks is important to me, and that he should make more of an effort.
Ego boost: Fiona is happier with her husband's smart look

Ego boost: Fiona is happier with her husband's smart look

Paul says: I don’t think I’ve let myself go at all, because I wasn’t really interested in fashion in the first place. I’m smart at work but when I get home I pull on a pair of tracksuit bottoms - I want to feel relaxed.

Fiona has her own hippyish style, and I like most of what she wears, but she is rather overdressed for some occasions.

Like most men, I just get out of bed in the morning and put on the nearest clothes that come to hand. I hate buying new clothes. Besides, whatever I choose, I come home to a chorus from my wife and children of: ‘What on Earth is that?’

Fiona's makeover verdict: I love the slim cut of the grey trousers and shirt, which I chose to make Paul look taller. The transformation is nothing short of miraculous. He looks 15 years younger, slimmer and more attractive. I think he found the experience a bit of an ego boost, and it made me realise he still has a really good body. Hopefully he can now see he just needs the right styling to show it off.

Paul's verdict: I'll admit, part of me thought 'wow' when I looked in the mirror. I wouldn't have picked these clothes myself but I would certainly wear them again. Maybe Fiona does know what she’s talking about.

I suppose once I got to 50, I thought my appearance didn't matter any more. But it is important, especially to Fiona. If I'd known how fed up she was, I would have done something about it before.'
'Going out with me in shoes that belong in the dustbin is insulting'

Debbie Evans, 42, is a barrister for an IT company, and her husband John, 45, is a business development director. They live in Oxfordshire, and have been married for 13 years. They have three children: Catriona, 13, Marcus, five, and Alban, four.

Debbie says: John has always been old-fashioned in the way he dresses but it has really started to bother me recently. We were out with friends the other day when I suddenly noticed he was wearing shoes so old they were actually falling apart. I’d made an effort to look really smart yet my husband thought it was OK to come out with me in footwear that belonged in a dustbin.

I feel insulted that John takes me for granted just because I’m his wife. After all, I still do my best to look stylish and attractive for him. So why can’t he do the same for me?

Old-fashioned: Debbie wants husband John to be more trendy with his dress sense but he thinks he has 'timeless elegance'

Old-fashioned: Debbie wants husband John to be more trendy with his dress sense but he thinks he has 'timeless elegance'

We first met on a train 14 years ago - he was dressed immaculately in a suit, although I later discovered that he only dressed like that for work. His out-of-office uniform has always been fogey-ish - battered old cords and brogues.

I don’t follow fashion obsessively but I trained as a make-up artist before studying law, so I know what I need to do to make myself look good. I get my hair cut every couple of months and try to stay fit. Yet John seems to make no effort at all with what he wears.

Even though he has loads of good-quality clothes that he’s bought for himself over the years, he chooses not to wear them. He likes to slob around in old stuff instead. He’s good on shirts (he’s got dozens) but he always wears them with scruffy cord trousers (which he thinks are stylish) or dreadful old shorts. His shoes are particularly bad, and always very old.

I think it’s arrogant of him not to care how I feel when he lets us both down by wearing  horrible old outfits. Clothes do matter and being conscious of your appearance is a sign of respect - both for yourself and those you love. Making an effort simply shows you care about someone.

Before and after: John can't see much difference in his appearance but Debbie thinks he looks more colourful and up-to-date
Before and after: John can't see much difference in his appearance but Debbie thinks he looks more colourful and up-to-date

Before and after: John can't see much difference in his appearance but Debbie thinks he looks more colourful and up-to-date

John says: I have my own style, which I have worked on very carefully over the years — I like to think of it as classic, timeless elegance that doesn’t need constant updating. In fact, I still have a pair of green cords and brown leather brogues I bought when I was at university.

I know Debbie thinks I dress like a slob but it doesn’t bother me. Besides, although she generally scrubs up well, she dresses like a bag lady at home - she’s constantly in pyjamas.

I like casual, relaxed clothes that don’t try too hard, and I’m not planning to change the way I dress. Eventually, Debbie will just have to come round to my way of thinking.
Fashion fail: Debbie wanted the makeover to change her husband's ways but he said it has only 'confirmed my trust in my own innate sense of style'

Fashion fail: Debbie wanted the makeover to change her husband's ways but he said it has only 'confirmed my trust in my own innate sense of style'

Debbie's makeover verdict: I didn’t go too 'out there' with John’s makeover - I just tried to smarten up his old look and bring his wardrobe up to date. It's great to see him looking a bit more colourful than usual, and he’s holding himself better, too, with his shoulders back. Hopefully, he can now see how much clothes affect his (and my) self-esteem.

John's verdict: Half the clothes I have on here, such as the plum-coloured trousers, are similar to ones I’ve already got at home. I agree, I may look a bit more ironed and pressed than usual, but on the whole this just confirms my trust in my own innate sense of style.
'I nag him to smarten up - then feel like his mother, not his wife'

Fiona Port, 44, and husband Leslie, 46, live in Wokingham, Berkshire, and run their own catering firm (enjoycatering.co.uk). They've been married for 23 years and have three children: daughter Charlie, 17, and 11-year-old twins Brad and Nicole.

Fiona says: The other evening I spent an hour getting ready to go out for a meal with friends, only to come down and find Les still in his old shorts and T-shirt. All I could say was, ‘Really?’ as I was unable to believe he thought he was smart enough to leave the house.

My husband’s lack of care about his appearance seems to be getting worse as he ages. I find myself saying, ‘Go and put another top on,’ and realise I am now sounding more like his mother than his wife.

Even the children have started to criticise his dress sense. The twins often cry, ‘Untuck your shirt, Dad,’ while Charlie is constantly saying, ‘Dad, put your collar down!’

Dressing down: Fiona wants Leslie to take more pride in his appearance

Dressing down: Fiona wants Leslie to take more pride in his appearance

I regularly ask myself what on Earth happened to the stylish man I married. Les and I were childhood sweethearts, meeting at school just before my 15th birthday and marrying when I was 21. Les, who is two years older than me, was always incredibly fashion-conscious when he was young. He was the first to get into the New Romantic look, and was always changing the colour of his hair and putting in highlights or changing the length.

But while I’ve continued to care about how I look, Les just doesn’t bother any more. He even has to be reminded to go to the barber.

I first noticed the change after our twins were born, but as time has gone on, there’s been no sign of improvement. Every day at work, he always wears the same - black trousers and a short-sleeved black shirt. Then, when he gets home, he walks around in a pair of old shorts and horrible black Nike trainers that I really hate. I buy clothes for him whenever I get the opportunity but he will only wear what he says he feels comfortable in.

I get so fed up of seeing him looking exhausted in his work clothes, which always smell of food. I love it when we go out and Les, for a change, has showered and is wearing something different. He looks so handsome, it reminds me how much I love him. He just doesn’t understand what a pleasure it is for me to see him looking good, or how very much I miss that.

New look: Leslie said he'll be more willing to try other styles from now on
New look: Leslie said he'll be more willing to try other styles from now on

New look: Leslie said he'll be more willing to try other styles from now on as he loves his makeover, right

Leslie says: Growing up as the youngest of four boys, I was always being given my brothers’ cast-offs, so the moment I was earning enough money to buy my own clothes, I became super-fashion-conscious. But once I became a father and got into my 40s, I  became less interested in all that stuff.

Fiona always looks fashionable and spends a lot of money on  taking care of herself, but I think I’ve become blind and deaf to her encouraging me to do the same. I know I’m an embarrassment to her and the children sometimes, but there are more important things to worry about than clothes.

Ten years younger: The couple both agree he suits his updated style

Ten years younger: The couple both agree he suits his updated style

Fiona's makeover verdict: Les never wears jumpers but he looks terrific in the beautiful pale blue one I chose for him. And he definitely looks years younger. I am touched by the effort he has been prepared to make to try and please me for this exercise. I just hope he might be inspired to try new styles when we go out.

Leslie's verdict: These are the sort of clothes I know my wife would love to see me in but I always say 'no' because I worry they won’t suit me. Now I have them on I have to agree that I do look much better. I got a shock recently when a rich client told me:

'For a comparatively wealthy man, Les, you certainly know how to dress down!' So I'm going to take a long, hard look at my wardrobe and try to be more daring from now on.